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This work of fan fiction contains characters, ideas, situations, and places found in the Hasbro Studios series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". No infringement of copyright is implied by this work of satire and parody, and this work is meant as a celebration of the people involved in the creation, development, and production of the series.


"The Talk"


Written by The Descendant


Chapter 1

Tiny pellets of frozen ice drove against the windows and walls of the homes and shops of Ponyville.

The wind drove them, beat them against the structures with a rattling rhythm that sent those within closer to the heat of their fires and deeper into the warming embraces of their loved ones.

For some, there was no such respite.

Out in the market square the sleeting drizzle was parted by something unseen, and as a pale blue filament of light wrapped around within itself it suddenly exploded outwards in an orb of illumination that revealed the outlines of two figures.

"…and why do we need sleet anywho?" asked Spike, pulling the straps of his backpack tighter to him, already walking away as he winced against the sleet that drove against his face. "And why can't someponies bother to check the weather schedule before they plan big get-togethers?" he said, looking back across his shoulder with a sneer, completing a thought he'd been hiding since the miserable afternoon had begun.

His gaze fell across an older unicorn stallion. He too stood there, turning his face to shield it from the driving drizzle. He opened one eye and regarded Spike sorrowfully as he sighed.

Spike turned fully, looked at him with a falling expression.

"Sorry…"

"I, I understand Spike…it didn't go well," he said, "We failed to adequately prepare ourselves for the situation…and, the pegasi do need to practice every sort of weather, I suppose."

The older stallion straightened himself, looked to Spike as the white pellets began to collect in his graying beard and mane. "We…we will see you at the next Summoner's Gathering, Spike? We will, won't we?"

"Yeah," said Spike, "sure."

The two stood there staring at one another, trembling as the frigid droplets began to melt upon them.

"You, you are happy…being assigned to Miss Sparkle, Spike? You are happy, aren't you?" asked the stallion, getting to the very heart of the matter, fighting to keep his eyes open as the wind once more blew the shards of ice across his face.

Spike smiled up to him even as he pulled the backpack closer to himself, shaking against the cold.

"More than you can imagine," he said, his expression brightening even as he shivered. The stallion smiled back at him, the relief across the deeply lined face of the aged unicorn evident even as he blinked and the traces of white grew in his beard.

"You couldn't have flashed me right into the library?" said Spike with a trembling chuckle, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb towards the tree on the far edge of the square.

"A gentlecolt," said the unicorn, lifting himself up, becoming the imposing and gentile figure he had once been for one small flicker of a moment, "doesn't enter a mare's abode without being announced!"

He then let out his breath, deflating into the kind, old gentle figure Spike had always known.

With that they bowed to one another, trembling even more as the cold and wet crossed their backs.

"Good afternoon, Summoner Spike."

"Good afternoon, Lord Protector."

As the unicorn flashed away Spike ran across the market square, slipping where the sleet had begun to form into long lines and hid the wet leaves beneath.

Within moments he had burst through the door of the library, heading straight through the main space and directly into the warmth and reception he'd receive in the alcove he and Twilight shared.

"I'm back early!" he called, "The Gathering sucked!"

He looked up to see two cups on the table. Odd. He dropped the sopping wet backpack right next to the door in exactly the way he knew he wasn't supposed to. His mind though was set on the fireplace, and as the smells of his home wafted over him its heat flew up into his small frame.

"They held it outside and it started to sleet," he said, rolling his eyes, looking around to find Twilight, "so they can…can…cancelled…"

His eyes found her, settled upon her as she stood on the stairs.

As she looked back at him in surprise he realized that another figure had entered their little home…

…that the somber tones of a stallion were juxtaposed there on the steps against her beautiful, familiar coat…

…that she was leading Caramel up those stairs…

…to the bedroom.

The bedroom.

Silence reigned in the library, appropriately enough, for all of about four seconds. As it did a realization, one both powerful and terrible, fell across the little dragon whelp.

Oh Celestia!

Oh Luna!

"I'm sorry!" called Spike, leaping backward, thudding against the table, making the two cups clatter on their saucers.

"I'm sorry!" he called again, falling across his own wet backpack, his feet fighting for traction as he skidded across the cold pool that had formed beneath it.

"Spike…"

"I'm sorry!" he said, clattering on all fours, the whelp scampering out through the library proper. He leapt at the door, let out a long great huff of emotion, fought with the knob.

"Spike!"

Her call did not reach him. With a single sob he had already pelted once more out into the cold, leaving the door wide open as he sped off into the sleet that howled up the market square.





Fifteen minutes earlier, a decidedly different atmosphere had held dominion over the interior of the library.

Twilight looked up to the window as she waited for the kettle to boil. The mare hummed softly as the sleet rattled the panes of her kitchen window. "Brrr!" she said aloud, looking out to where it gathered in long white strips across the square.

She hoped somepony had the sense to have moved the Summoner's Gathering someplace warm. She frowned at the thought of Spike once more sneezing and miserable, wrapped in a borrowed bathrobe and slippers as he fought another cold.

As the tea simmered she carried both cups out into the center of the living room in her magic…out to where the stallion sat upon the floor.

"Thank ya' kindly," said Caramel, lifting the teabag from the cup, laying it upon the saucer.

She smiled in reply as she lowered herself to the floor …

…as he moved his toolbox to make room for her so that she could see what he had been working at for the last half of an hour.

"The edges were dovetailed, so, unless ya' could get a good fix on 'em it woulda' been hard to set 'em back in place," he said, motioning to where the new eaves of the table stood ready for service.

Twilight stood, put her hoof to her face. It had been so simple. "Well," she said, laughing at herself, "That was a bit of a goof on my part…huh?"

"Well," he replied, laughing a polite laugh, "Maybe just a little one, I'd say, but I do appreciate the business, Miss Twilight."

"How is the hoofycolt business coming along Caramel? Is it working out?" she asked as he put his tools back into the box.

"Jack o' all trades," he answered with a smile, "master o' none…it's nice tah' be savin' up a few extra bits though. I don't like livin' off of the Apple's, sleepin' in their barn…should have enough saved up in a few weeks tah' get an apartment."

The sleet drove against the large window overhead, the cold sound sending chills through both of them even as they stood before the fire.

"I ain't lookin' forward towards goin' back out inta that!" he said, finishing his tea.

A thought flew through Twilight.

"Actually, I might have one more job for you."

He looked back up to her happily.

"Spike's bed…I'd like to get him a new one, have one made for him. A 'big boy bed' rather than the old basket he's been sleeping in…is that something you'd be able to do, or even willing?"

"I certainly reckon so!" he said, fishing through his toolbox once more, "Let me get some measurements and I'll write ya' up an estimate…"

Together they made for the stairs, up to where the basket lay. As they went Twilight grinned at the though of what a nice surprise it would be for her Number One Assistant.

Quite the surprise…

Together they stood there as the sound of the door opening reached them.

Together they stood there as Spike began to talk, seeming not to notice them.

Together they stood there as Spike's eyes had found them and then went wide, as the color dropped out of him, as she called to him as he fell across the room begging for forgiveness…as he flew back out into the cold.

Twilight looked around, looked up and down, tried to figure out what could have scared him so…what had upset him.

She saw nothing, there was nothing there in the little quiet house except for Caramel and herself…

…as she lead the colt up the stairs…

…to the bedroom!

Oh Celestia!

Oh Luna!

Quite the surprise…

Her eyes went even wider as she looked back to Caramel, the stallion himself seemingly alarmed by the dragon's response.

"What…what's wrong with the Spikinator?" he said, looking up to her. As he did her expression filled him. She saw the dawning realization cross his face, saw him look down to the stairs…up them to her bed beyond…

"Oh Celestia! Oh Luna!" called the stallion, quickly backing down the stairs, his hooves clattering as he missed the last few. "You don't think he thought that…I mean…not that there's anything wrong…but, I didn't mean tah' scare…I mean I'd be honored if…"

"Out."

"Right! Right…" he replied, quickly gathering up his tools and jacket. Twilight was already standing at the door by the time he was ready, already wrapping a long scarf around herself as she stared out into the brutal scene of the sleeting afternoon. As the wafts of purple magic enwrapped her she gathered a second scarf from the closet.

"I'm so sorry 'bout that…do, do you want me tah' help ya' look for him?" he said, a pained look across his face.

"No…no, I…I need to be the one to find him," she said, sighing.

Caramel nodded, trotted out into the cold. As he did he turned to her. "If yer' still interested in that bed, please don't be afraid tah' let me know…after things, settle a bit…"

She nodded at him, watched until he had passed around the corner, and then she too plunged out into the drizzle to search for her summoner. The door thudded behind her, the sound of its bell being swallowed by the wet air.




He ran on all fours for as long as he could, until the splattering slush that leapt out of the puddles with each stride began to wash up his legs, reaching his chest and armpits, each new step bringing a fresh agony. He rose up onto his hind legs, tried his best to wipe away the water.

"Stupid!" he called out. "That was so stupid! Why did I do that!?" he called up to the clouds. He put his hands alongside his head, looked down, his eyes following the angle of the sleet as it fell from the sky.

He rubbed the back of his hands across his eyes, took a deep long breath. At once the vision leapt back at him, and a new one, and he went to the ground. He stood in the sleet on three limbs, his right hand across his stomach as pains like shots of acid staggered around within him.

He began shaking again…the cold across his scales deadening him to all but the uncertainty that grew behind his eyes and the pain that shot through his guts.

He'd…he'd need a place to stay that night. He had to get inside…it was already so cold.

His eyes looked to distant Carousel Boutique, but the absence of flags and the darkened windows dashed that small hope.

He hopped, crossed his arms in front of him, as he looked up and down the empty square. He blinked his eyes against the sleet, and as he did the lights in the rooms above a familiar building caught his attention.

He took two steps forward…but soon stopped. No. There was no refuge for him in Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie had always shown him so much concern, friendship. She'd be afraid for him, wish to know why he was out in the cold…she would get it out of him, just as she had gotten him to lie to her for a few diamonds to snack upon.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't betray Twilight.

Plus, he realized, he'd probably have to sleep in the tub with Gummy. That thought alone was enough to send him hopping around, once more panning the streets as he forced his eyes open against the driving sleet.

It was so cold, so cold.

No…no, there were none of her friends, their friends, he could go to. Even if he could make it down the long roads to Fluttershy's, or even Sweet Apple Acres, they too would worry about him. They would work at him, he feared, try to get him to talk about why he was so upset. They too would work it out of him. No matter how much he wanted to protect her, they would succeed. Then, no matter how good their intentions, the whispers would begin…

Then would come the rumors, then the assumptions, the "common knowledge". And…and from that, he feared, knew, would come the stallions on the street corners. They would call to her like she was some kind of animal…an animal to be fetched, herded…talking to her like that, using those words…

This perfect nightmare flew through him, beat him across the head…drove the pains through his stomach once more. As the sleet whipped about him he covered his eyes, the tears pouring now, dripping out of him as he imagined her walking through the streets with her head down. As she walked past them mares put their hooves over their mouths and spoke to each other in loud whispers and with malicious smiles. He imagined her walking further, her eyes wet, as a stallion called out, "Hey, Sparkle, if ya' spread 'em for Caramel how about…"

Spike fell to his knees, shook his head against these horrors, these fears that bit at him with thousands of tiny teeth and as new needles of pain went through his guts. He rubbed his eyes, no longer able to tell the wetness of his own tears from the melting drizzle that pelted him.

It was so very cold, so cold.

His mind spun as his shaking got worse, as his arms naturally drawing tight to him, wrapping himself against the cold.

For one small second he imagined sneaking back into the library, huddling by the door to their little rooms or even opening it a crack so that the warmth would wash out over him. The familiar scents and sounds of home reached him in a happy vision as the sleet melted upon him, finding the traces of the lines of his scales.

At once though the thought that Caramel might still be there reared up at him. The idea of what he might then hear, see…smell, these drove the thoughts of returning home far from him.

It was so cold…so, cold. His shaking was evident now, causing his shoulders to lift. He had to find warmth.

But, if he couldn't go home, where could he go?

No…who could come to him!

Spike tottered across the square to a garbage can. There he peered into it as best he could, gingerly grabbing out the least disgusting bit of paper he'd found. He held it close to himself, shielding it against the rain of ice as he went across to a familiar applecart.

As he dove beneath it he reached along the sill of the applecart, reaching up to where he had seen Applejack lay the pencil. The closed cover fought, just a touch too tight for even the arm of a baby dragon.

He forced it deeper, his numb fingers feeling for the pencil even as the cover scraped him. He felt it jump, grabbed for it, and pulled his arm out even as it scratched at his scales.

He lay beneath the cart, sucking softly on his cuts, as he trembled and shook. The bag of Mairzy Doats, ripped open and laid across the underside of the cart, became his stationery.

As the wind whistled past and the sleet continued to come down he lifted the pencil…but stopped. Who…who could he trust to come fetch him? Who wouldn't ask the questions?

No one in the nursery, he thought, as the fears of a child once more went through him. If he called out to one of those unicorns, to the Lord Protector, there would be questions, inquiries, committees, concerns for his well-being…reassignment.

He flipped over, more pains going through his stomach in puncturing darts of acidic shock. He spun around, cried aloud. Reassignment. Taken from her. Ripped away from her! Oh Celestia, oh Luna, reassignment…the sum of all his most tangible and powerful fears!

So cold…

He was shaking all over now, even his tail twitching in reflexive want and wish for heat.

He sat up, wrapped himself into a ball in an attempt to fight the cold.

Ball…playing with a ball.

Playing with Cadence! His mind's eye focused on Cadey, the younger whelp grasping his arms and leading him through the Summoner's Gathering before the sleet had begun, asking him to help her get the ball…asking to play with him.

He remembered the familiar face of Starfall, her designate, flashing in to gather her up as the sleet began. The stallion's blindness could not hide the kind look that lived behind his eyes, his understanding. Yes…yes!

"Dear Starfall…" he scratched, his trembling hands fighting to make the words.

"Please come help me, please. Spike." That was all he needed to write. Then, then everything would be fine…everything would be fine. Starfall and Cadey would flash in and they would go back to their rooms in Canterlot and everything would be fine…just fine…

Just…just write the words. Please, hands, stop trembling…just make the words…

The wind whistled, rumbled, shook the market square as it seemingly blew the sleet sideways. As it did the sleet rippled across the paving stones of the square with a cascading sound…

…and tearing the snack food bag, Spike's plea for help, out of his grasp.

Spike looked to where it had been for a long moment, the pencil falling from his trembling claws.

He spun, reached for the bag…but it was already gone, blown far out into the park and pond beyond.

He lay there, beneath the cart for a good long while, with his arm out in an appeal for it to return. But, it did not.

"Why," he asked the market square as his teeth chattered and he retracted his arm, as he wrapped himself into a smaller ball, "do we need sleet anywho?"

A deep noise reached him over the top of the wind and the crackling of the ice upon the stones. It was a resonant tone, yet familiar, and Spike's eyes went wide with alarm as he realized what it meant.

"No! Owlicious! Please…" Spike said, rolling over himself, peeking his nose out from beneath the cart.

The owl sent his call out into the cold again as Spike looked for him, the hoot of the bird surprisingly deep and clarion, echoing across the cold stones.

"Owlicious, please, I've…I've caused her enough trouble…I, I don't want to…" said a chattering, trembling Spike, his nose just barely visible to the owl who sat above him on the cart.

Once more the call of his avian counterpart sounded out, and to it came a reply…the reply of the dearest and most familiar voice in the world.

The one he least wanted to hear at that moment.

"No, please…be a bro, please…" he asked the bird as the hoof falls came nearer. Spike closed his eyes and trembled as he heard the familiar hooves come to a stop.

He opened his eyes and found himself looking into hers as she peered beneath the cart, her vast purple eyes looking upon him with an expression of relief, concern…and disappointment.





The afternoon had been a disaster.

As Twilight wafted her magic over him she both scooped the trembling, chattering form of her little baby dragon whelp from beneath the cart and wrapped him in the spare scarf.

She passed some more magic over him, using her own living essence to move the heat from her body to his. Yet, even as his trembling stopped and he unfolded himself to stand beside her he was silent, not looking at her.

She sighed to herself, lowered her body so that he could climb up. To her surprise he recoiled.

She extended her hoof so that he could grab it, she herself suddenly feeling a desperate need to be in contact with her summoner.

Instead he danced the tips of his fingers across her leg to her shoulder, keeping her at a distance. As they began to walk, Owliscious swooping back and forth slowly overhead, she wondered about this. Did he think she'd become someone else? Did he think she was somehow…dirty?

She sighed to herself. A disaster, an utter disaster. She could start explaining now, as they walked, she could tell him that nothing had happened. But, she knew, it would sound like an excuse. He'd have to see the evidence for himself…and right now the best thing might be for the three of them to walk and fly silently in the cold.

She would show him this, let him know that nothing had changed…that nothing had happened. And then, calmly, patiently, and without emotion she would tell him that it was none of his damn business if it had.

There was fear in him, and Twilight strained to think of what to do next. There, there must be some way to take all of his confusion, the pain and fear she sensed in him, and turn this whole episode into something constructive…useful.

Suddenly, as she slid across the paving stones that were slick with sleet and wet leaves, she realized that there was.

As she sensed his cold clawed hand still upon her, she realized that there might be a way to salvage this yet, to make something positive come from this whole unhappy incident…to address the fears that she guessed, worried, were driving at him.

It was time for The Talk.
When Spike returns home early from a gathering he sees something that causes him to go running from their little home...the sight of Twilight and Caramel together.

Once Twilight finds him, shivering and cold, she decides to try to address his fears...by giving him The Talk.

But, to Twilight's surprise, it may not be a talk about basic biology that Spike needs...perhaps something far more important is on his mind.

======================================
(C) Hasbro Studios, used in parody in satire with respect to copyright.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconautobot-refuge:
AutoBot-Refuge Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012
I believe I read this on Equestria Forums, so I'll say here what I said there: conceptually, it is better that Twilight and Spike have this discussion now. Right now Twilight is powerful and Spike is little, therefore not in a position to hurt anyone: but what about when he grows?

It sounds melodramatic but by the way Dragons have been portrayed so far I figure them for creatures that feel everything intensely: greed, rage, grief, love etc would probably all be felt with overwhelming power. So, if Spike's feelings towards Twilight (take that as you like) and her adult social life are not set straight, well, in real life a horse the size of Big Macintosh (I figured a Clydesdale) is about 1000kg. If Spike grew to that size that is potentially one ton of bulk backed up by claw, tooth and fire launching itself at some hapless stallion he believes (rightly or wrongly) has called Twilight's reputation into question.

I mean people have done stupider things.

OT; I really enjoyed this fic :)
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ahhh... I remember Equestria Forums! Good times, good times!

I can see your point and it is well received.

I'm very glad that you enjoyed the fic!:)
Reply
:iconradiantvoid:
RadiantVoid Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
First:

I read the comments, and your "Summoner" designation on Spike DOES make sense when explained. However, you must be aware that such a title has never been discussed on the show proper, and that in most fantasy writing the 'hierarchy' goes Summoner > Familiar. If you look at it from that point of view, it is very odd that Spike, the assistant, is being called the "Summoner", almost as if Twilight Sparkle herself is his "familiar".

Second:

Love the story. It's a bit hard to follow Spike and the elder fellow's conversation: The reader gets the sense of "catching the last snippet" of their dialogue... something that I'd wager was intentional. I like the way it plays in, like there is a story we just missed, or one that started in the middle.

I laughed when Spike "saw" them going up to the bedroom, what exactly has this young little dragon been READING? He has quite a dirty mind for one so young... yet you seem to take his mental age as too low to be in a relationship with Rarity, although that's an aside.

It's adorable how much he cares for Twilight, he really doesn't want to do anything to hurt her or her reputation... but I hope an explanation is given for his odd rejection of her when she finally found him.

Slightly confused though: Where did Spike keep a quill that could keep the ink dry enough to write anything meaningful? He was also hatched very much alone, and not in a whelpery (i think that's what you call them).

But i digress, the dynamics are there, the characters believable, and situation heartwarming, so a definite 4.5/5 (a definite 5/5 pending your ever-insightful reply).
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My Summoner and Designate team idea is one that suffered a lot of criticism, and since it now seems in canon that dragons remain such a mystery it now suffers from beginning not to be capable of standing for itself.

I was unaware of that context when I wrote the titles, so that's one reason why a lot of people don't see it as working. I think this was my last story where it will play a role.

That we arrive at the end of their conversation was very intentional, meant to show the reader that what is about to happen was unexpected. I'm glad you caught that!:)

I see Spike as being about ten, and I don't think he's nearly as mentally old as everyone in the fandom tries to make him out to be. I don't think the canon supports him being an adult in a child's body as half of the stories in this fandom try to make him out to be. He's ten, physically and mentally, which makes him old enough to have crushes and understand that something happens behind closed doors... but not old enough to articulate it, as is the problem you'll see in the second half of the story.

Spike's not wanting to ride Twilight back is because he doesn't want her to feel like she has to offer him a ride, as though he is trying to apologize to her for something he can't explain or doesn't know how... particularly messing up whatever he thought was about to happen.

He may have been hatched by Twilight, but as part of my "Summoner and Designate" fanon he was raised in the castle nursery along with perhaps a dozen baby dragons, wyverns, and wurms until they were old enough to be card for by their Designate. Twilight wasn't old enough to be a foster mother when she was seven or eight when she hatched him! I think he was about five when he came to live with her, making her about 12-13. That was my fading fanon though...

I hope you still feel so heart-warmed after the next chapter.... this is my lowest-rated and most criticized work, mostly because people thought I was moralizing and dared try to treat sex as a serious subject rather than just as a joke.

Whatever your feeling are about it at the end I look forward to hearing from you!:)
Reply
:iconverbalanche:
verbalanche Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012
Bit too melodramatic considering the premise. I'm not saying it should be wacky like Three's Company or something, but the style and reactions still came off as... maudlin. Like something Rarity would write, but without the irony and humor. Or something Spike would write when trying to impress Rarity.

Pony drama can be done well. Over-the-top drama just doesn't work well without the irony and humor grounding it.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, thanks for reading anywho.
Reply
:iconmaddog3060:
Maddog3060 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011
Poor Caramel. Didn't quite know what to say and stuck his hoof in it.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, poor guy!:D
Reply
:iconzenketski:
zenketski Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011
I made an account to tell you this. I had stopped reading fanfics, but yours and another i have read resurrected my love for fics, thank you for this great read.
Reply
:iconzenketski:
zenketski Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011
I made an account to tell you this. I had stopped reading fanfics, but yours and another i have read resurrected my love for fics, thank you for this great read.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I am very glad I could do my part to support your love for this little hobby. Thanks so much for letting me know that, it really made my day!:)
Reply
:iconhoyt-the-mage:
Hoyt-the-mage Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
you sir are officially my hero, it's nice to see such a good writer these days.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!:)
Reply
:iconrodgun:
Rodgun Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011
"She would show him this, let him know that nothing had changed…that nothing had happened. And then, calmly, patiently, and without emotion she would tell him that it was none of his damn business if it had."

This made me lol more than it should have.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It was just supposed to be part of the emotional roller-coaster ride, glad it worked for you!;)
Reply
:iconapocalypticmike:
ApocalypticMike Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is very nicely written. It does have some minor punctuation and grammar mistakes but for a solo project like this I have to say it is amazingly well written! (By the way, if you would want someone to proofread your work before you submit it, I'm your man.)
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I may take you up on that!;)
Reply
:iconbonxsig:
BonXsig Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
This. is amazeing.
Cant wait to read chapter 2
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Can't wait to hear what you think!:)
Reply
:icondeviatealittle:
Deviatealittle Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011
*sigh*
dude, you just LOVE melodrama, don't you? This was the absolute PERFECT sort of story concept that would be a good comedy or slice of life story, but good god! The whole thing was just so devoid of any lightheartedness and sounds like it was written as a sunday morning soap opera.

Not to be overly critical here, but try to work in the element. Its My Little Pony, dude. Yeah there's grimdark and sad fics (of which I am not a fan really, so consider my bias), but all the emotions displayed here are just so... overdone. Its all done in excess, and its all in the negative spectrum of emotion. There's a line between stylized narrative, and just overdramatic.
Sorry, but it just wasn't appealing enough to want to continue reading.
Reply
:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I'm sorry this one didn't work for you. In all fairness, you didn't give up on Tangled Up in Blues at the end of chapter 2 when he was at his lowest point, laying bawling in the street...and I feel that this story ended on as equally a high note as that story, if not better. Well, they can't all be gold. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to give me your real opinion. I hope it won't dissuade you from looking at any of my other future works.
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:icondeviatealittle:
Deviatealittle Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011
Damn, I can't believe you remember all my comments that accurately. I must have read that months ago. Thats downright flattering dude!

And like heck it would dissuade me. You got stylized narrative working for you. I will just say it one more time: Please, please, lets get a comedy! I know you can do it, tangled up in the blues had a liberal application, I would love to see what you could do with a comedic premiss!
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
All of the input I get is actually important to me, especially when it comes from such an articulate commentator.

I tried a new comedy before this one. It was called Bailout and before The Talk came along it was my lowest rated story on Daily. This November has absolutely sucked for me as a writer...nothing seemed to work out.

You can see why positive comments stick out for me!;)
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:icondeviatealittle:
Deviatealittle Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011
Holy hell how could I forget about Bailout! I freaking loved that! I didn't comment because I read the whole thing on my iPhone while I was on a road trip and its a pain in the ass to type on a touch pad. How could I forget!?

Aww man... that freaking had me in stitches. I was laughing so hard. I remember now.
The scene where Caramel finally sunk off the weather vain and they all saluted and just casually discussed better qualities for their next farm hand? Pinkie and the cow nation? Twilight's little summoning binge? The poor pegasus and Rainbow Dash? The army retreating to get the Navy? The repeated retrievals of poor Ditzy? I almost cried when Rarity shouted "Whatever you do, do not lick your lips!"
All those scenes were unbearably funny and creative. Bailout is probably my new favorite of your stories. Thx for the reminder! It told a great and creative story, all the characters, even without any direct dialogue, were well "in-character" and AJ's liberal application of sarcasm was so superbly done.
And that final line when AJ says why she wrote the whole thing so it sounded like country drawl: "ya' gone went and read most o' this letter in mah' voice!" I can't tell you how much I smiled reading that. The whole thing was so clever, witty, and (keyword) fun. I read a few lines to my dad while we were driving and he almost crashed us he was laughing so hard (the "don't lick your lips" line)

Don't give up on your comedy writing just because that one got bad reviews on EqD! Bailout was amazing in my opinion. And I can't find a fault that subtracted in any significant way worth pointing out.
And finally, I absolutely love the idea of AJ running for Mayor. It makes so much sense its ridiculous. It wormed its way into my Fanon.
Alright. done gushing. Seriously, please write more of your comedy. its gold.
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
After the last couple of days, that means a lot to me. I'm very glad that you keep finding things you can enjoy about my stories. I am still learning how to do this...the sudden, almost terrifying, feedback I get is so different from the long slow wait for my rejection letters for my Real World stories.

I thank you once again for your feedback. I do have more comedies planned, and I hope they fit the bill!:)
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:icondeviatealittle:
Deviatealittle Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
yay!
and hey, post 'Real World' stories also. great way to get that instant feedback and review chapter by chapter so it gets refined before being sent to editors. I just finished reading a published novel that was originally written entirely on the authors blog over the course of months before he collected everything for a book.
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
What would you honestly want to see my non-pony stories here on my DA site?
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(1 Reply)
:iconcrimsonmoonknight:
CrimsonMoonKnight Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011
I still don't get your Designate/Summoner analogy. Would it be possible if you could explain that or recommend one of your collection that better explain this analogy?

Still, love the story and would like to read something like this in the future.
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, yes! Spike is a Summoner...his job is to summon messages from different parties and give them to Twilight, and then send other letters! In my personal fanon there are many summoners, all of whom begin their lives in Canterlot's nursery. Twilight is a Designate, she's been designated by Celestia to do a job, namely to study friendship. In my personal fanon there are dozens of these teams, all like Twilight and Spike. The summoner acts as a personal secretary and communications system, the designate takes care of and raises the summoner...and, like Twilight and Spike, the two often develop a caring family-like relationship.

I hope that helped!:D
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:iconcrimsonmoonknight:
CrimsonMoonKnight Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011
Oh, thanks for such detailed explanation. I hope this helps future readers :D
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I certainly hope so!:)
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:iconrutane:
rutane Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011
it's reminding me of League of Legends
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I can't say I ever played that game...or whatever it is, but I'm glad it struck a cord with you!:)
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:iconezreal13:
Ezreal13 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011
This is exactly what i thought too! i actually read the comments 1st to see if it was a league of legends reference :P well back to reading!
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Now I simply have to find out wht that this is all about just so I can see the comparisons.:)
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:iconezreal13:
Ezreal13 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011
It was mostly the talk of summoners(the player characters in LoL) and people using flash(a skill you can learn) :D Its a multiplayer online battle arena.

Anyway this story honestly touched me! Thank you sooo much for writing this, i thoroughly enjoyed it!
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!:)
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:iconzaehlas:
Zaehlas Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Took me a while to get around to this. Wow, I didn't expect the story to head this way. Very well done so far. Looking forward to the next chapter =D
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad you liked it to this point!:)
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:iconlurks-no-more:
Lurks-no-More Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2011
I hear Twilight's voice in my head, saying "Oh, Spike!"
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I was really looking for someone to say something like that...thanks!:)
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:iconrainbowgambler:
RainbowGambler Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really like this style, it has something "catchy" and you want read more and more. Also interesting the different perspectives, you used them in the right place and the story didnīt stagnate.
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad you felt that way about it. I didn't want it to bog down at any point!:)
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:iconrbdash47:
RBDash47 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Enjoying things so far. I like that a misunderstanding triggered it, not Spike catching Twi and Caramel actually.... involved. Also, the Summoner/Designate idea is interesting, I haven't run across that before.

Copyeditor's note:
> Did she think she'd become someone else?
First "she" should be a "he", I think.

On to chapter two!
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I wouldn't have gone down that road...you know me!:)

I've used the titles "summoner" and "designate" in my other stories, but this is the first time I've actually played around with what it actually meant.

Thanks for the grammar catch!
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:iconrbdash47:
RBDash47 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Obviously I need to catch up on your other stories. I've got my eye on you...
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I hope you find the observation worth it!:)
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:iconkamikazedrake:
KamikazeDrake Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011
First chapter impressions: I liked this a lot.

Spike's reaction displays a great array of childhood fears, from embarrassment to worries over abandonment. The reader knows he's okay but for him he's lost and alone in the sleet for that short time, with no-one to turn to. I liked how his first instinct was to protect Twilight, and his next was to keep silent so he wouldn't be taken away.

Twilight shows a good grasp of the situation, and I'm looking forward to seeing how she handles the Talk in question.

The idea of the Summoner gathering is intriguing, and I'd like to see it expanded upon if it doesn't interfere with the story. The unicorn at the start seems to have some concern for Spike, so that could be a potential angle.

All in all, strong start.
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:iconthedescendantofkehan:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!

I love how you "nailed" Spike's feelings, that makes me very confident.

I'm a fan of the idea that Twilight and Spike aren't the only Designate and Summoner team out there, that there's a good reason why there are so many baby dragons, wyvern's, and wurms being tended by the Equestrians...an idea for a fic indeed!:)
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