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This work of fan fiction contains characters, ideas, situations, and places found in the Hasbro Studios series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". No infringement of copyright is implied by this work of satire and parody, and this work is meant as a celebration of the people involved in the creation, development, and production of the series.

"Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome"

Entry for the Tales of My Little Pony "Winter Fun" contest.
Written by The Descendant

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon…!"

The door of the hardware store had barely even closed behind them and already the little dragon stood before her, his feet dancing back and forth as he clutched his prize.

Twilight smiled at him as she wrapped the scarf around her neck once more. As his anxious feet crunched the snow she drifted her magic over him, tightening the scarf that lay around his neck as well.

"C'mon, Twi," he said, rocking his head back and forth as it fell around him, "I wanna test it out!"

"We're going! We're going!" she said with a little laugh, letting her saddlebags fall around her, letting the weight settle around her shoulders and hips. "Just let me make sure I brought…"

She looked up to see him lifting the sled, turning with it as ponies walked by and the most delicate snowfall of the year drifted down lazily around them.

His sled. Bought with his allowance…the product of his work. The first thing he'd ever purchased with his own money.

She couldn't help but smile.

"Hey!" he called out, laying the sled in the street, the metal runners meeting the snow for the first time, "Twi, let me pull you up to the hill!"

"Really?" she said doubtfully, her eyes measuring her mass in comparison to the sled, "You wanna think about that?"

"Naw!" he said, patting the slick wooden surface as he wrapped the lead rope around himself, "It will be fine! You took the day off so I could go sledding and I, I want you to have the first ride."

With his gratitude evident there was little else Twilight could do. Gingerly she lowered herself upon the sled, struggling to fit herself and her bags of books across the tiny space. She blushed self-consciously as ponies walking by looked at the odd spectacle of a young mare perched atop a foal's sled as a dragon whelp did a few perfunctory stretches.

Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes as he did a few knee bends, jogged in place, and did a single unimpressive jumping jack.

With that he readjusted the lead rope and began a sadly unimpressive attempt at pulling her through the street. The end result was in fact nothing more than the sled advancing only about seven inches as his face contorted, rolled, and ballooned. He strained and struggled, his body trembling as if it were attempting to forcibly eject several of his internal organs.

"Spike," she began, "Maybe if I…"

"Wharrrggghhhhh!" he exclaimed, struggling with the lead.

"I can…."


"My magic might…"


"May I make…"

"Bwwwwaaaaagggghhhhh!" he cried aloud, the expression across his face suggesting to those ponies walking nearby that his pancreas was attempting to evacuate itself through his tear ducts.

Twilight removed her hoof from her forehead just in time to see him make two more tiny forced efforts before his feet slipped out from beneath him. As he went to the ground he flipped over, fighting for breath.

"Spike," she said sympathetically, watching the snow falling gently around him, "May I pull us up to the sledding hill?"

"Yeah," he said, laying his clawed hands across his chest, looking up to the clouds far above as he panted, "That would be great…thanks. Just let me finish up havin' this heart attack first…"

The two soon traded positions, and as they went Twilight heard him begin to sing. Comforted that he had in fact not gone into cardiac arrest she listened in as he gave voice to his happiness.

"Dashing through the snow!" he sang, lifting his voice among the snowflakes.

"Trotting," she found herself answering.

"What?" he answered, drawn out of his song.

"Sorry…I just, you know. I was trotting, not dashing," she said sheepishly.

"Oh…okay," he replied, scratching his head. "Trotting through the snow," he began again, "in a one horse open…"

"Pony!" she exclaimed, tugging a bit at the lead rope, sending the sled slightly off kilter.

"What?" he asked again, stumbling to stay affixed to his prize as the sled wobbled across the paving stones.

"I'm a pony, not a horse…a unicorn, specifically, you know that!" she said with mock indignation.

"But, but that's not the way the song…oh, okay," he said, moving from defensive to resigned in tone. She smirked to herself and began pulling again as he lifted the song, now substantially changed, into the air.

"Trotting through the snow in a one unicorn open sleigh…"

"Sled," she interrupted once more, stifling her giggle.

"Huh?" he called to her, shaking his head as he was once more drawn out of the tune.

"This isn't a sleigh, silly!" she said, her tone once more one of false mocking, "It's a sled!"

"Is there…is there a difference?" he asked, standing upon it, wavering back and forth as she pulled. He looked his one worldly possession over from stem to stern as he awaited her reply.

"Of course!" she added cheerfully, "They're all entirely different! It's no more a sleigh than it is a luge or a toboggan…"

"I'm sorry, what was that last one?" he said, lifting his hand to hear her more clearly, his voice only slightly betraying the fact that he was now beginning to understand her joke.

"Toboggan!" she repeated.

"Once more?" he asked.



Twilight slowed to a stop and turned to look at him. Her small smirk remained as the sled bounced against her rear legs. As she looked back over him he sat upon the highly varnished top twiddling this thumbs, looking back and forth to opposite horizons, barely containing a smirk of his own.

She gave a small giggle and they continued on, Twilight once more pulling him as he lifted his voice in the now rather mutilated sounding song.

"Trotting through the snow in a one unicorn open sled, through the fields we go, laughing all the way…"

"Acccttttuuuaalllllyyy," interrupted Twilight once more, this time making no effort to hide her attempt to confuse and befuddle him with her little joke, "we're passing through the streets, not fields, and you are not laughing, you're singing. Furthermore, you'll not find any bells, and this isn't a bobsled, as I've said before…"

A snowball thwacked against the back of her head.

Twilight shuddered to a halt. The sled ran into her rear legs once more, snow tumbling down her neck and melting in the warm space beneath her saddlebags.

The melting snow dribbled down her shoulders and back, sending a shiver down her spine. She sat down upon the sled, bracing herself against the cold that shot along the length of her body.

She scrunched up her face and turned to where he sat. Yet, even as she had done so, Spike had already laid his right side across her saddlebags and looked up into her disapproving grimace with a soft and doughy expression. He gazed up to her with big sweet eyes as he twiddled his thumbs once more.

Her little smile returned as she looked down into the falsified innocence, one she knew he had painted there for her own enjoyment. With a single snort of laughter she nuzzled him and then returned to pulling the sled.

"Have you thought of a name for your sled, Spike?" she asked a moment later as they reached the end of the market square.

"No," he replied in surprise, "No, I haven't…"

Twilight felt him grip the side of the sled, the rope tensing around her as they began to turn onto the snowy fields that led up to the hill. She felt his weight shifting back and forth as he looked it over and over.

"Do you think I should?" he asked, his voice ringing out clearly through the snowy reaches, "Do you think I should give it a name, Twi?"

"Of course!" she said, smiling back to him, "It will give it a special spirit!"

"Wow, really?" he said, standing upon it once more, letting his hips take the movement as he pondered the situation. He placed his hand beside his head, tapping one finger against his cheekbone as he hummed in contemplation.

"How about Rosebud?" she suggested, the name leaping out at her from some fostered place in her mind, some Xanadu hidden in her thoughts.

"Gee, Twi!" he called back, "That's a great name for a boy's sled!"

"Really?" she said, happily.


A mumbling Twilight began to trudge up the hill, giving the sled just the slightest extra tug. As he went tumbling to the surface she stuck her tongue out at him and rolled her eyes once more.

The sledding hill was excellently placed. Twilight took a large breath as they gained the crest. With the stark trees behind them she and Spike stood there, looking out across Ponyville to the snow covered lakes, farms, and forests beyond.

They were not alone. The hill sang with life. Fillies and colts sped down it on sleds of their own, their happy cries filling the cold air.

"Greetings Miss Twilight, Spike!" came a familiar voice. They looked down to see Pipsqueak standing before them, the pinto colors of the little colt standing in odd compliment to the snow and dark trees beyond.

"Hey, Pip!" answered Spike, making sure to lean against his new sled, bringing it fully into view.

"Fine sledge you have there, Spike!" said Pip, taking the bait.

"Sled…" answered Spike, arching an eyebrow.

"Right! Fine day for coasting as well!" replied the tiny colt, not even noticing the difference in their dialect.

"Sledding?" replied Spike once more, holding one finger in the air as though doubting his own understanding of the proper terminology to be used on the occasion.

"Most brave of you, Spike," said Pipsqueak, motioning to the sled, "bringing that sort of sledge, don't you think?"

Twilight saw something fall down within him, a look of doubt fly upon his features.

"What…what do you mean, Pip?" asked Spike, suddenly looking over his new purchase, scanning it from top to bottom.

"Well," said Pip, knocking some snow from his large round disk, the metal wobbling noticeably as he did, "what with the runners and all…that one's meant for coasting on icy patches and hard bits, isn't it? Still, I suppose it should work well enough…"

"No, wait…really?" asked the dragon whelp, both trying to hold his sled aloft and grab up the little colt. In a moment though it was already too late.

"See you at the bottom then!" said Pip, giving a running leap. As Twilight and Spike looked on the colt landed upon his sled, the momentum carrying both rider and mount forward down the slope.

Soon he had gained speed, quite a bit of speed, and seemed to be flying down the hillside. Ponies parted quickly and he seemed to gain even more velocity as the slope began to turn.

With that the circular sled and its accented pilot skidded across the snowy fields beyond and directly into a grove of tall pines. There the shuddering of one of the pines and the fall of snowfall from its branches showed where the rider's descent had suddenly halted.

Twilight and Spike winced, looked at each other, and then back down the slope in worry.

"Woohoo!" came a cry, echoing up the hillside as two forelegs erupted from the pile of snow beneath the pine. Twilight and Spike sighed in relief.

Twilight looked down to Spike once more, saw him standing there with one of his clawed hands upon his hips, his face painted with uncertainty as he held the sled in the other.

"Did…did I buy the wrong type?" he asked himself in a whisper, Twilight's ears just barely catching the words.

Twilight watched him shake his head, watched as he shook off any doubt.

"Fillies and gentlecolts!" he announced, holding his arms wide, "I want to thank you all for coming out today to see the first run of my new sled!"

Twilight shifted her eyes left to right as she tried to figure out who he was talking to.

"I hereby name thee…Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome!"

With that he proudly dumped a handful of snow across the sled in a sort of christening. He then stood proudly, his chest puffed out and his hands on his hips.

After a moment of silence a single snorted chortle met him.

"Comments or criticisms?" he asked of Twilight, opening one eye to peer at her as he maintained his heroic stance.

"Jeez, Spike, how about naming it Adjective Assassin instead! That prose was as purple as I am!" she said, smiling at him.

"Naw," he said, stepping off of the sled, seeming to align it with some distant target, "just some of that 'special spirit' you talked about earlier."

She watched as he moved to stand near her, as he stuck his tongue out of the side of his head and closed one eye. He held up his thumb, gauging the direction the Super Duper Whatever sled would take. She smiled to herself as she imagined some sort of rather contrived calculations flying through the head of her summoner…the sort of nonsense that can only fill the head of a little boy as he treats something small as a rather serious sort of business.

She could only smile.

"Okay!" he called, rubbing his clawed hands together, a most engaged and anticipatory expression growing over his face, "Here I go, Twi!"

"Be careful!"

"With a one, with a two…three!"

With that he too, like Pip before him, took a running leap.

Twilight's heart sank as he slid, face first, across the length of his sled. His legs went up in the air as his arms trailed behind him, a long squeak across the varnish rising up as his facial features absorbed the immobility of the situation.

He was deposited with a tumble into the snow in front of his sled. He shook in confusion as he righted himself, first looking to her, then to his sled.

"No…wait, no…" he said, sitting upon it, gathering up the lead limply.

"Super…" he said, rocking it.

"Amazing…" he called as he jumped up and down upon it a bit more, pleading with it to move.

"Rocket Sled…" he called out, his voice becoming angered and hurt.

"Spike," she whispered, approaching him, slowing as he dropped the rein.

"…of Awesome."

She stood there, the sounds of the happy young ponies that went up and down the hill meeting her in an ironic soundtrack. She looked to where he sat, facing out over the hillside, her heart going out to him.

It was plain to see what had happened. At the first touch of his weight the runners had sunk deep into the powder of the hillside, burying the sled all the way up to the surface.

It was the wrong type of sled for this type of snow. He'd bought the wrong type of sled…that was all there was to it.

There was a little sniffle, and Twilight looked up to see Spike drawing the back of his arm beneath his nose…the slick wetness catching in the scarf and leaving a visible trail.

His first sled, the first thing he'd bought with his own money…his first purchase, his first case of "buyer's remorse".

No. No, she wouldn't have it.

Twilight looked around, saw a small group of mares huddled together. An enterprising stallion had set up a booth and was selling hot chocolate. A plan quickly grew in Twilight's mind.

"Spike?" she asked, coming up to where he still sat upon the sled, laying her head across his shoulder, "Why don't you go up and get us some hot chocolate…let, let me look the sled over. Let me see if there's anything we missed. Instructions or…something."

She lifted her head, used her magic to straighten his scarf and wipe away the two little tears that sat on the edge of his eyes before they could freeze.

"Is, is that possible, Twi?" he said, looking up to her, "Is…can it really just be, could it be that I didn't buy the wrong type?"

"Who knows?" she answered with a toss of her shoulders. Her magic flew through her saddlebag, drawing out some bits, "Some cocoa to help us ponder. Grab some cream for mine if there's any, okay?"

"Sure!" he said, standing, optimism returning to his features, "Sure!"

With that he lifted himself, began to run with his scarf trailing out behind him, the bits jangling in his claws.

She watched as he stopped and turned back to face her. "Thanks…thanks Twi!" he said, smiling. As she smiled back at him he took a few backwards steps before turning once more and scampering to the booth beyond.

At once her saddlebags were off of her. Immediately one tome had come out, lifted in her magic, already coming open as it lay before her. The pages breezed around in a blur as she sought out some remembered pages.

She had hoped to just spend the afternoon sitting upon the blanket and reading, feigning interest in his activity…more like a mother than she'd like to admit. "Yes, I saw you," she'd mentally rehearsed, "Yes, be careful…good job. Uh huh, nice trick. No, it's not broken, the bleeding will stop."

She hadn't brought more books, figured she'd need to save weight to bring an exhausted dragon home. In her mind she's seen herself carrying a worn-out Spike off to an evening of tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, and an early bath and bed.

Now she wished she'd brought more books, as was often her want. Now she scoured this one old book for anything that could help her. As she did she remembered him working tirelessly to earn his allowance, saw him stopping to look in the hardware store window as the pegasi delivered the first snow of the new winter as they went about their chores.

The light in his face not an hour ago as the old kind-eyed stallion behind the counter had placed the sled before him…that expression of joy would not be wasted. She, Her Royal Majesty's Designate Twilight Sparkle, would make sure that his efforts and hopes were not spent in vain.

Spells revealed themselves to her. Words like "friction", "levitation", "wind-slip", and "wormholes" flew past her eyes. They raced through her magic and out into the sled. She levied enchantments upon it, breathing them as silently as she could. She kept looking up, checking to make sure his back was still turned as the magic cascaded from her, as the light filled the sled and then wafted out over the hill in a twist of magica vasto.

She panted a little, clouds of vapor escaping her nose and mouth in the chilly air, her scarf coming loose. As she straightened herself the sled lifted from the ground and a silvery light seemed to flow from it. It thrummed noticeably.

Had, had she gone too far?

His smile as he had said "Really!?" when she had told him that they were taking this day off, a day just for the two of them…a day for buying and using his new sled, slid across her mind. No, no she hadn't.

Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome indeed.

"Quiet now," she whispered as familiar footfalls crunched across the snow behind her, the sled losing its sheen and settling at her command.

"Hey Twi, here's your cup…I hope I didn't put in too much cream. Did, did you figure anything out about the sled?"

"I think I did!" she said, smiling, giving one little puff of her breath to lift a hanging stray strand of her mane.

"Really?" he said, dubiously casting his eyes between her rather disheveled appearance and the sled in turn, "What was wrong with it?"

"Oh," she said, looking up and down and past him, "The thingy wasn't…the loopy bit there…I had to adjust the…the rope wasn't properly lubricated…"

As she made uncertain gestures with her hooves Spike looked up to her with his eyebrow arching so slowly and skeptically that it seemed to better represent the folding of the planet's crust over geological time than a look of doubt.

As she looked at him with forced smile he took a sip of his cocoa and his eyebrow moved from representing the Pre-classical to the Paleopony period.

"Just finish your hot cocoa and get on the sled," she sighed, placing her hoof across her eyes.

As she watched he looked the sled over. He held his cocoa in one hand as the other sat against his hip. He put one foot upon the sled. He moved his foot slightly…and the sled responded.

"Oh, Twi!" he said, placing his cocoa on the ground and quickly running to her, "You fixed it! You did fix it! Thank you!"

His hug wrapped up both of her forelegs, causing her to teeter slightly. She lowered her head down over him. With a sigh of relief she listened as he asked, "Do you think it's gonna be fast?"

She lifted her eyes, looked at the sled. A single flash of silver light flashed out from beneath it, lifting it slightly, the falling snow wafting away from the source of the magical ignition.

"Yeah," she said, softly, "I'm pretty sure it's going to be kinda fast."

He released her and walked, more or less bounced, over to the sled. He seated himself. There was no running start, the whelp not enthusiastic about face-planting his way through another false beginning. Instead he dug his hands into the snow at his side, gave some small thrusts…

"Watch me, Twi!"

"I'm watching!" she giggled, gathering the blanket out of the saddlebags.

"You're not watching!" he complained.

"I am watching!" she said, turning to face him, the books having to wait one more moment.

"One…" he said, an expectant look crossing his visage.

"Two…" he called, pushing the sled forward and back with his mass.


The best possible expression of the sensation that went through Spike in the next moment is as follows:

Reality collapsed upon itself, passed through a substance not unlike potato salad while wearing lederhosen, and emerged on the other side as a rather large woman named Frieda.

The only way to fully comprehend his experience would be to earn several degrees in physics, theology, and animal husbandry. What Twilight experienced was rather different.

An instant after Spike had called out the last numeral a spray of magic and fire had erupted down the hillside. All that remained to mark his passage down the slope was a streak of mud where the instantaneous ignition of the sled had melted the entirety of the winter's accumulation of snow.

As a cloud of vapor rose from the melted snow several alert pegasi began to wrangle it and attempt to offer it comforting advice. Their attempts were interrupted by the cries of ponies upon the slope, however, as they ran around in small circles while screaming and flailing their forelegs.

Twilight looked around her. All was quiet. The other mares stood nearby, their manes standing out behind them at angles, each one's newly coiffed style pointing back to where Spike had instantaneously gained something close to escape velocity.

At once Twilight was off, running down the slope. The memory of Pipsqueak laying against the tree flashed through her…and something fearful rose up within her as she realized what such an impact would mean at Spike's speed.

Her fears were assuaged to a small extent when a thin line of the tall pines suddenly erupted into flame, quickly burnt out, and left behind twisted trunks that looked more like used matches, showing where his journey had progressed.

"Was that Spike? He was going so fast!"

Twilight turned to answer what was at once a familiar, yet oddly different, voice.

She looked down to see Pipsqueak himself, the pinto colt buried up to his neck in snow. She looked at the snow around him, realizing that Spike's speed must have whipped him around so fast that he'd been driven into the snow like a screw into a board.

"I mean he was like, 'bang'! That was awesome!" he said as her magic lifted him from the snow.

"Pip," she said, an awareness growing in her, "What…what did you say?"

"It was just so cool!" he answered.

Twilight realized now just how fast Spike must have been going. He'd flown past so quickly that he'd literally ripped the Trottingham accent right out of Pip.

"Pip!" she called, dashing off once more, "Sit still for a bit…and try not to use any adjectives!"

She entered the woods, or the charred remains of such, and instantly began following the path of the burnt trees.

Around her various small woodland creatures walked around in shell-shocked horror. More than a few looked at her accusingly…one boisterous squirrel appeared to begin gathering up other animals for some kind of rally.

"That won't end well," she thought to herself as she sped along. Soon though the charred trees ended and she let out a small gasp as she saw something that made he stop. It was Spike. Rather, it was his outline…a series of thick trees has been drilled through with the outline of her little summoner and his Rocket Sled of Apparent Overkill.

As she ran past them they showed him moving slightly, the dragon's outline changing vaguely from tree to tree as though they were the pages of a flip-book.

"What is this?" she thought with some small disdain, glancing from outline to outline as she sped past, "A cartoon?"

Thoughts of the fear her whelp must be being subjected to raced through her. She ignited her magic and flashed forward, trying to catch up with him…begging that he would be all right.

Fear was not quite exactly what Spike was feeling at the moment. Saying that "he was afraid" would mean implying that Spike had the ability to articulate emotions at that point.

This was simply not the case.

The Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome skipped across the snowy fields outside Ponyville at a speed that, in all fairness, wasn't quite as fast as most photons travel.

Spike struggled just to begin breathing again. He was quite sure at one point he had smashed directly through the center of some very large trees, and at one juncture a structure made of brick had come into play and just as quickly and merrily departed from his immediate concerns.

None of this could quite be analyzed by the dragon, as by the time something had entered his thoughts it was quickly smashed against the back of his skull with all of the rest of his conscious ideas.

How he had gotten down the hill, where he was, what he could do to stop the situation…his name…all of these simply piled up in a tiny heap inside the back of his brain as the Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome continued to jet him across the outskirts of Ponyville at speeds which most sleds usually do not consider traveling and would not do so if they could, thank you very much.

The idea that he could scream for help of course implied he could still scream, which he could not. When his instincts had risen up and attempted to claim him they too had been thrown with a resounding thud against the back of his skull and lay there uselessly.

Yet, one little part of him did manage to stand, to face the buffeting winds of magic that beat at him. One hidden part of him, one he'd kept hidden from even a friend as dear as Twilight fought it's way up…dived at his conscious mind to give him something to latch onto during this ongoing crisis.

In short, as he sped along the hills towards Ponyville…he began to yodel.

Nearby a beautiful mare spun through the cold winter air.

Being Rainbow Dash means speed is everything to you. Speed is life.

As Dash turned over into her dive once more she sought out the little tunnel of wind that was swirling about in the gap between the hills.

In her the magic of the pegasi blossomed forth and the winds reached to her. They grabbed at her, and she willfully gave herself over to them. As her magic, the magic of the pegasi, and the magic of Equestria worked in concert she tore through the gap between the hills, sending the snow high up into the air in her wake. The winds rocketed her forward like a catapult and she tore across the snowy fields.

As she did there were a series of clicks, and behind her the visible rainbow of her magical contrail sparked with a half of a dozen mini-rainbooms, each one pushing her ahead faster and faster still.

"Woohoo!" she cried even as the winds tore at her lips. This was what she lived for, this was the result of her life's work…to be fast. Speed. Speed is life. She was the living embodiment of fast! She was the living pillar of quick! She…she was…

…she was being passed by a yodeling baby dragon on a sled.

Rainbow Dash slowed herself, let her wings unfurl until the drag returned her to a coasting speed. As she watched Spike speed on, his shockwave rustling her feathers, her expression fell down into one of reflection.

With that she slowly flapped her way into Ponyville, following the silvery shards of magic that still floated down from where the sled had passed. There, she decided, she would buy the biggest vat of hot fudge she could find and simply sit in the square and eat it.

As to whether or not she'd just sit with a vacant stare or sob gently she had not yet decided.

Spike continued his yodeling careen as he sped over the skating pond. The skaters there, Pinkie Pie included, could only look upon him in wonder for a second as he darted through them. In that instant the heat produced by the Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome's friction with the air itself completely melted the pond. This had the effect of sending them all plunging down into the rather frigid waters.

As he sped beneath the windmill the ancient and affable old structure was caught up in the winds caused by his passing. At once the old blades whirled with renewed vigor, much vigor indeed. So much vigor, in fact, that they lifted the entire construct off of its foundation.

As the windmill took off high into the sky, wobbling along like an impaired duck, it revealed the figure of Grindstone. As the rather wet and cold skaters emerged from the pond they looked upon him as he made up the latest batch of his famed, and somewhat secret, "special flour".

At once Grindstone, sensing something was wrong, turned around to see hundreds of eyes looking at him through where the walls of his ancient windmill were supposed to be. Instead of his walls he saw his windmill disappear over the horizon towards downtown Ponyville as the "secret" of his flour was revealed.

The skaters (many of whom had been eating delectable foods made from the "special" flour since they were foals) heaved in sickness, demanded an investigation, nodded in understanding, commented on the artistic value, or cheered wildly.

The Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome, and its yodeling occupant, flew into downtown Ponyville.

It raced down the market square, catching against structures, ricocheting around like an arrow fired in a phone booth.

Spike wanted to apologize, but as he attempted to begin to think about doing so the thought of the apology was slammed against the rear of his cranium along with every other conscious thought in his head save the one that had found purchase…

…so, he kept yodeling.

Soon enough others were drawn into the saga of the sled, their lives crossing its ballistic path as it jetted through the center of Ponyville with little regard for local noise ordinances and whatever other laws and general notions of good behavior were being desecrated by its thundering presence.

As the Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome bounced before her a mare named Twinkle dove once, twice, tried to get under or around the bounding horror. At once the sled angled at her and she screamed as her magic failed her.

"I've got you!" came a voice. With another rolling tumble she felt a massive, yet oddly gentle frame fall across her, freeing her from the sled's wrath.

She looked up into soft eyes, ones that lit in surprise. Once more the stallion lifted her as the sled crashed right before them, shielded her from the spray of fire and magic as it sped further down the square.

Her thoughts though were not on the sled, the horror having been driven far from her as she looked up into the face of this handsome stranger. The stallion attempted to lower her but instead she caught up his mane, ran her hoof across his face…

"Hi…I'm, I'm Script," he said, his voice seeming to her like a stream rolling through some high country of boulders and mosses.

"Hello... hello, I'm Twinkle," she replied, still looking up to him as the silvery wafts of magica vasto fell over them. Her voice swept through him. To him it was as the voice of a goddess, like winds through a seaside cave.

Ten thousand connections opened up between them, and as the magic and the snow wafted around them the heat of their bodies flew between them, each sensing the beat of the heart of the other. "This…" each realized as their magic intertwined, "this is the pony who I've been waiting for…"

Her eyes drew him down to her body, drew them closer to one another as they wordlessly implored one another with soft sounds and longing glances.

With that a windmill gently settled around them.

The end result of the happy scene that would transpire within was a rather robust and powerful unicorn named Solar Flare (the first of many children they would have in their long and happy lives together) whom, on a day about 37 years hence, would save Equestria from an unspeakable evil…so, that at least turned out well.

Across the market square Ace sat flexing, believing himself to be doing well at his attempt to impress Rarity. The mare however was far from impressed, she was barely even conscious of his presence. Instead she looked into her reflection in the window of Sugarcube Corner and fussed over her ensemble.

The saddle, the dress, the winter hat, the boots…they simply did not work. No, it was a disaster, an utter disaster. As the rippling, oiled form of Ace competed for her attention in the reflection she sighed and wished the outfit would simply vanish.

With that the yodeling dragon whelp sped by upon his sled…whipping the clothes right off of his ladylove in a fashion that the speeds simply did not allow him to become conscious of or enjoy.

"Oh! Well," said Rarity, looking back at her elegant form in the reflection, "that worked out well enough! Back to the studio!"

With a graceful toss of her mane she cantered past the stuttering form of Ace and made back for Carousel Boutique, neither noting nor caring that her discarded outfit had been ripped from her and deposited upon the stallion in the sonic wash of the sled.

Ace turned, trembled, looked at his likeness in the window. The saddle, the dress, the boots, the winter hat adorned him. He saw himself there, looked back into his own eyes as the mare's clothing draped around him. Embarrassment floated there, awkwardness. He, he felt…


It felt right.

With that he turned back out into the street and looked for someone with whom he could discuss his feelings, share recipes, and garner information on a very elective sort of surgery.

The Rocket Sled of Awesome carried Spike out of Ponyville once more, speeding along now at a reduced speed…this one very perceptibly slower than most photons.

As he crossed past Sweet Apple Acres the flaming wash of the sled, if not his meager yodeling skills alone, caused the fence rails of the sheep pen to burst into flame.

As he vacated the property the sheep were left looking on in startled amazement as their confines were reduced to cinders. With a single "poof" the fence was reduced to a pile of ashes that crumpled to the ground, the blackness standing stark against the snow.

Silence reigned among the ruminants, their expressions blank.

"Freedom," breathed a tiny voice.

"Freedom," came another after a lingering moment.

"Freedom…freedom!" began a chorus, the word spreading through the flock like a fire on a high mountain plain.

"Horrible, horrible freedom!" they cried, gathering closer together, their eyes darting around in unrestrained fear and unwavering angst.

They heard a noise in the distance, one that made them shudder against its unfamiliarity.

They could not know it, but it was the sound of a magically propelled sled being driven deep into the earth, one that ended with a sickening crack that echoed across the farm.

Twilight arrived in the center of Ponyville. She'd lost track of the sled, simply couldn't keep up with it as it had flown across the landscape. She had guessed, used her flash magic to whisk like a phantom to familiar places, tried to guess where his calamitous flight would take him. She'd guessed wrong.

She only needed to look around downtown Ponyville to see that he'd already been there.

As she stood there Fluttershy tried to reason with a group of woodland creatures that had set themselves up alongside the main fountain of the market square. Above them a sign written in a very crude interpretation of Equestrian stated "Occupy Ponyville"…whatever that meant.

As Twilight looked on Fluttershy tried to apologize to Dash about the animals being so obstinate. The other pegasus seemed unaware, simply continued shoveling spoonfuls of hot fudge into her mouth and staring into the distance with a vast vacant stare.

Nearby long giggles, happy squeals, and rather hearty moans came drifting from the windows of a windmill that had been deposited in one corner of the square.

She turned to ask a nearby mare how that had come to pass, but when the mare was in fact revealed to be Ace sniffing at some winter greenery in a market stall she slowly backed away.

Seeing as she was outside Sugarcube Corner she thought to ask Pinkie for help, but a quick look inside showed that Pinkie was involved in a debate with the Cakes about how the use of some sort of "special flour" would affect sales and influence the local arts scene.

Twilight let out a long moan of exasperation, her aggravation over the whole episode growing…yet not growing as fast as her worry over her little whelp, over Spike.

There was a tower of smoke in the distance, near Sweet Apple Acres. In an instant the mare had flashed herself out to the familiar fields of the property.

The second she had materialized she turned to see a shivering mountain of sheep, their eyes wide with fear.

"Excuse…" she began, stopped and waited as they wailed.

"Excuse me!" she called over their pathetic cries, "Have you seen a baby dragon on a sled?"

"The hated liberator spread his lies of liberty and emancipation that way!" called a less than venturesome sheep as they all pointed to a hillside. Twilight turned, looked. Smoke rose from it.

With a huff of concern she flashed once more.

She materialized once more on the far side of the hill. Her eyes swept the scene and she gasped as she saw what appeared to be a hollow carved through the hill…one that bore the outline, like the trees in the distant forest, of her little dragon.

"Spike!" she called.

Her head turned, saw the sled smoking. The magic was being drawn out of it, being released on clouds of magica vasto that rose like vapor into the air. She saw what it rested against, a massive oak, a sacred tree. No wonder the magic was parting.

She looked over the sled as it gave one last satisfied groan, as though proud of its work. With that her magic left it, and it returned to being a simple construct of wood, varnish, and steel.

"Spike!" she called again, worry high in her voice.


Her head spun, her eyes flashed as she centered on the sound. He laid there, in the snow, his head resting against the rocks on the far side of the tree.

At once she was with him, over him, her magic searching through him…searching for injuries.

There were none…there were none. He was okay, he was just stunned, just stunned.

"Spike! I'm sorry! I just wanted you to have fun! I didn't mean for it to go all crazy like that. You looked so disappointed, so I filled it with magic," she began as she nuzzled him.

"Twi," he said, softly interrupting her, running his hand against her face.

"Yes?" she answered in a soft tone of her own, raising herself up.

He smiled up to her with a very tired smile. Yet, it seemed to Twilight that he was somehow anticipating something.

With that, he spoke one word.


Spike has finally saved up his allowance, and on a beautiful winter's day he buys his first material possession, a sled!

When a technical difficulty causes him to doubt his purchase Twilight quietly uses her magic to solve the problem. But what awaits the dragon whelp as her magic turns an average sled into the Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome?


Just visiting DeviantArt and would like to leave some comments, criticisms, or flaming bags of doggy-doo? Feel free to visit the story on Equestria Daily!

(C) Hasbro Studios, used in parody in satire with respect to copyright.
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Twoforflinching Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
That...was awesome! again indeed!

Beautiful fun stuff, very cute and silly and sweet and definitely felt like an episode (Man we freaked when the local coffee chain out helmets on the sledders on the coffee cups, can you imagine how much they'd lose it if they saw this?)

Definitely going to take a look through your gallery.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad that you enjoyed it, and I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts on any of my other stories!:)
RadiantVoid Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

My favorite 'it makes sense in context' quote of this story:
"With that the yodeling dragon whelp sped by upon his sled…whipping the clothes right off of his ladylove in a fashion that the speeds simply did not allow him to become conscious of or enjoy."

One thing that disturbs me, in addition to the oddity of the cartoon physics being mentioned, is the fact that it was indicated Spike is traveling rabidly, and Rainbow Dash was in a set of mountains (or hills), yet he remained inside of Ponyville for the entire ordeal. Where, exactly, was Spike when his journey started?

Other than that, very in character and very funny. 4/5, if only because of a few jarring scenes where characters (who weren't pinkie pie) became hyper-aware. Also, wouldn't it be more in Rainbow Dash's character to attempt to catch him? I've never seen her give up, especially when no one else was there to pressure her.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you caught the "Rosebud" joke!

Don't we see Ponyville ringed by a series of hills in most distance shots? I may be wrong about that but the sledding hill as I imagine it was kinda beyond the windmill and behind, meaning he described a low arc as he sped along, eventually circling around and back through the village/city before landing amongst Sweet Apple Acres.

In reality, the map of the city isn't very concrete, and apart from a few resolute items I keep it pretty pliable in my fanon.

Yes, it probably would have been more accurate to have her not just give up, but I wanted the bizarreness of the scene to be absolute... plus I really had the image of her sitting in the square eating hot fudge with a blank look on my face and I needed the excuse!;)
RadiantVoid Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yes, and my green, large-headed friend would like to say something, Morbo?

chalengerx Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012
I read this on FIMFiction and it was awesome then. On there I believe I commented as "Not"
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad that you enjoyed it enough to comment here too!:)
chalengerx Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
Well of course. After all you do have cross dressing caused purely by sheer speed.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing how that works, eh?;)
chalengerx Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
[link] My prom dress agrees. XD
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
chalengerx Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2012
Don't bet your female friends that none of them will have a dress that fits you. Unless you want to have a really fun night with friends at prom being the only guy in a dress.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, at least you now have an interesting story to tell your grandkids someday!;)
(1 Reply)
QueenCold Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your stories are AMAZING!
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I really appreciate that!:)
QueenCold Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're welcome
Darkphantomshadow Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awsome. I enjoyed every bit of this story. Especially the comedy used during Spike's wild ride and the ending is quite realistic.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am so very glad that you enjoyed it!:)
Darkphantomshadow Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome. I hope to see more of your work soon
BoneSatellite Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
I can't say a damn thing here that anyone else hasn't already, so I'll simply let you know that I loved this, and my favorite line was, "Sit still for a bit ... and try not to use any adjectives!"

That is all.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!:)
Giantmako Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Sigh* Who could forget the first time they've ever bought a sled, and released chaos incarnate when they first took it down a snowy hill. Good time, Good times.

It goes without saying that this little story is awesome. From the heart touching concern Twilight shows over Spike's well being and the effort she puts in so that the little dragon can feel like he hadn't made a mistake over his sled. To the contagious cheer, and excitement Spike radiates in anticipation for riding his newly paid for Sled. And of course we can't forget the epic comedy that follows forth as Spike rides through town.

Gah i can't figure out which part i thought was more funny really, its an amazing tie between Dash's dumbstruck depression at being out raced by a baby dragon on a sled, and the cross dressing Ace who by total accident finds a new calling.

Kinda makes me wish that this year's winter had a few more days of snow in it. At least puts me in a holiday spirit, its a dang shame i didn't read this sooner.

Great work
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I'm very glad that you appreciated the "build-up", the backstory as to why she needed to enchant it in the first place. I was worried that would be the weakest part of the fic. I'm very glad to see that you feel it came off well!:)

I am, of course, very happy you found so many parts humorous!

I was wishing for snow too... but now that I've actually got some I can't wait for spring!:D

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you're enjoying the stories!
Giantmako Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It was pleasure, and you deserve thanks for writing it in the first place. Heck yeah I am.
guitarfan01 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
bwahahahaha! Fantastically hilarious and very well-written, to the first read.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! Always god to hear from you!:)
guitarfan01 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!

Warning: long response ahead with more thought put in. :p

I think my favorite moments in the fic were the pancreas/tear ducts line, and the description of reality passing through a substance like potato salad etc. And the windmill settling down around the unicorn love-at-first-sighters. I laughed out loud at least eight or nine times reading this.

I think this is the absolute best of your "comedy" fics. It doesn't go too far or too ridiculous the way I felt "Dear Idiot" and "Bailout" did - it balances a very realistic and canonical portrayal of the characters, which some of your other work stretches a little, or isn't quite consistent across stories (see footnote) with a very sharp sense of absurdity and humor.

The rest of this reply is criticism, hopefully constructive. Please take with a grain of salt and in the spirit of affection I feel for you, who are my favorite mlp fanwriter and an inspiration to my own understanding of the MLP:FiM universe and so-far unpublished ficwriting.

I've put my main points in italics for ease of finding them.

Perhaps the moment that falls flattest for me in SARSoA is the time from Spike's takeoff to Twilight's "What is this, a cartoon?" This is for three reasons. First, as written, during this period of time, Twilight's emotional state during this period is unclear. Is she in mother-mode, terrified for her adopted kinda-child? Is she dumbfounded by how much stronger the spell was than she intended? Frustrated with her mistake? I couldn't really tell by the way the story is written here, which seems to be in third-limited mode up to this point, after which it hits the Douglas Adams snarky third-omniscient strikingly and hilariously.

Second, Twilight's thought of cartoons and why it strikes me as wrong reflects the theory of comedy: most comedy works best when the characters are either taking ridiculous circumstances seriously or are taking serious circumstances ridiculously. Spike's adventure with the Adjective Assassin is quite ridiculous, and while it is entirely within the story's purview to accentuate the ridiculous nature by the tone of the writing, I feel like the characters in the story should take it seriously, which they do in SARSoA as a rule, except here. Twilight experiences Spike's takeoff, looks around, has several amusing observations, and then worries whether or not Spike will be alright. It's a tone shift that doesn't seem to fit.

Third, the way she remarked upon the absurdity of Spike's path through the trees damaged my suspension of disbelief. The actual smashing through solid objects at a significant fraction of c without injurious consequences, not to mention the natural tendency of a body not at motion to fall off a body set in motion when not strapped in didn't bother me at all, but when Twilight brought it to my attention in-story it suddenly became more ridiculous than I was ready to accept. Perhaps a mention of a protective spell, so that she would be more worried about losing track of Spike and the damage he might do in his unrestrained hurtle instead of "begging that he would be all right", or a clarification that it's his emotional health she's more worried about than his physical, would flow better.

The one thing I was expecting but didn't find in the story was Pipsqueak's accent landing on someone else, having been caught up in the wake of the sled. On the other hand, that not happening made the windmill settling scene that much more unexpected and hilarious, and may have been pushing that particular joke just a little too far.

Sorry for the tl;dr. Anyway, all that to say that this story is, I think, your best attempt at comedy, though I think it might stand a slight revision for clarity and to keep from breaking the suspension of disbelief.

*footnote: for example, the Spike from "Variables" seems more emotionally mature than the one in "The Silent Shore", and although I really like "The Talk", there's something that feels not quite right with the extremity of Spike's reaction there - I think it's the stomachache, though now that I think about it if it was more clear that it's the kind of stomachache one gets after some really intense crying, paired with that weird cotton-in-the-head-feeling that accompanies it, would work better. But this is a different story than that one, sorry.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
There's no such thing as TL;DR for my Watchers and Readers! You know full well that you guys are all awesome and I'd never take comments casually!;)

That being said, I'm sorry I can't quite think of a way to reply that matches the duration of your concerns. I will simply reply by stating that I can understand where you are coming from with your concerns over Twilight's comment, and how you perceive Spike's changes between my stories.

I would address the first by stating that I had not anticipated the comment being so distracting. Like many of my works I have received both positive and negative comments on this exact same issue.

As for the second, I will respond by saying that you were accurate in your footnote by stating that each time we see Spike in those fics he's in very, very, very different circumstances. Perhaps you are correct that he changes too much, but then again we don't respond to different scenarios in our own lives the same way. He doesn't in the series either... so, six of one, half dozen of the other. I can see your point.

Stroke of brilliance on your part having Pip's accent land on someone else. I wish I had thought of that!:D

Always great to hear from you! I'm always encouraged when my Watchers leave me honest feedback and constructive criticism!:)
guitarfan01 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you for your response and how seriously you take all of our comments and criticisms. I really appreciate the fact that you actually read all of these and always strive to improve your writing and make it the best it can be.

I agree that Spike is in very different circumstances in "The Silent Shore" and "Variables." It just felt weird when reading TSS, and so it broke the flow of the narrative for me. Of course, it works from a logical standpoint - in Variables, Spike has been thinking about and planning what he's going to do to/for Discord for weeks, while in TSS, he's just reacting to a very scary situation. When I think about it like that, Spike reminds me of some of the students I've worked with in small groups at my church - a thorough mix of surprisingly mature actions and thoughts and surprisingly immature ones. Which is really Spike's characterization in "The Talk" in a nutshell. And that really reflects the way the characters are in the series as well - all of the Mane Six are three-dimensional, with surprising depths that reveal themselves as the series continues. I experienced it most especially with Rarity, who I originally dismissed as sort of "the girly one." But it even shows up with Rainbow Dash, whose intense stage fright in "Sonic Rainboom" surprised and impressed me. RD is terrified of doing the thing she was born to do and most loves to do. That's potential for amazing character development.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, my Watchers are awesome. It's the least I can do to reply when they leave me some insightful commentary.

It sounds like you've had quite an experience working with kids in the church groups. I've worked with children for a long time as well... that's probably why the series doing it's best to keep their kids as kids is so important to me.

Agreed totally that the series has shown potential for character development. I can only hope to capture some of it as I start getting ready for the next round of stories.:)
guitarfan01 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I don't know what else to say besides "I agree." :D
Technochild89 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
Between this story and "A Cup of Joe" you've managed to induce both tears and spontaneous laughter within less than an hour of each other. I'm going to let my emotions take a break and will continue reading your other works tomorrow. It's such a shame you weren't already on my watch list, fixing immediately. +devwatch:
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am very glad that you've found so much emotion in these works! I'm very glad to have you as a Watcher!:D
Person31415 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
Error posting comment.
Umm, basically what I was going to say was that I (being a gamer) spent 30 minutes tonight digging through your gallery to try to find the meaning of "summoner" and "designate." So Swinter's problem isn't uncommon.

Love your style! Have a good day! :3
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm... that gives me pause. I'm really starting to get worried about it. It's gonna be hell to go through my stories and remove each mention, too.

I'm very glad that you liked the story! People really have been commenting on the style of the story, I'm glad you enjoyed it as well. Thanks for reading and commenting... you have a great day as well!:)
Cloudyskieswrites Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer

Thank you. This was frellin' fantastic. Heartwarming and lovely start, and then a riot of a ride of laughs. Have my foals, sir and/or madam.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Sir, most definitely a sir!;)

I'm very glad you liked it!:)
IndigoKatana Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is amazing, never have I laughed so hard at a fanfiction for a long time. The absurd randomness, humour and logical writing style is reminiscent of Douglas Adams, and well, that just adds to how amazing it is xD
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for saying so! Yes, I'm a fan of Adams so his works were a huge influence on this story. I'm very glad you enjoyed it!:)
thecammerhammer Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011

You know how a story will be so incredibly ridiculous and crazy it loops back into the awesome?

This is it. This is the epitome of looping back to awesome.
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I thank you so much for saying so!:)
thecammerhammer Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011
I must say, I have never heard the simile "like an arrow fired in a phone booth" before. It's quite descriptive...
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, thanks!:)
Matrilwood Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
That really was an amazing read. Thank you. ^_^
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!:)
RaNdOm9699 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I randomly picked a story to read on my channel...
This one was it.... haven't even read it myself just started reading it for the Broskis lol
Heres the vid: [link]
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It's the lead rope, as in that which comes first, pronounced "leed", my friend.

I hope your viewers enjoy it.:)
RaNdOm9699 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
As I stated I in my video, I can't read XD, thanks for correcting me. My eyes read faster than my brain. lol
TheDescendantofKehAn Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, you did fine!:)
WaypointBravo Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2011
All of my wat. o_O

It started out as a simple, adorable tale, then exploded and turned into SPIKE.MOV. I thank you for this transcendental experience.
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